Every couple months or so I write out a some grandly epic monologue outlining a plan to resume my days of obsessive blogging every tedius detail of my somewhat-but-not-always ordinary life. This time, I will not do that. I will instead acknowledge that I most likely will just hit and run my livejournal, without so much as looking back to see if the bugger is still twitching. And if I come back and twaddle on about myself again in the near future, we can all be surprised.

I only wrote when I was alone. Emotionally or physically. I am anticipating have lots of in-between class time at Starbucks this semester, and sitting all by my lonesome with a laptop, a book and a shit-ton of homework amount to a lot of alone time to tap out useless drivel about my day.

My ex-boyfriend contacted me today to apologize for his shitty treatment of me in the past, though I mostly suspect that his texts were nothing more than a thinly veiled booty call.

My costuming class is.. well.. I have to freaking stare at the FLOOR the entire class, focusing with the utmost concentration on random debris in an effort to not let my classmates or instructor see the look on my face. Because I can't hide my emotions very well. And that class is a joke. No, not the class, scratch that. Ugh, ya know, I'm gonna stop typing. While I highly suspect no one reads this anymore, I don't want my words to come back and bite me in the ass in the future. So, I'm off to barista la la land to slurp down a mocha and read about dinosaurs.

I used to blog a hell of a lot when I was alone. Or when I thought something spectacular and important was happening in my life. One was filled with self-righteous me-centered drivel, and the other was filled with depressing, moody, abstract thoughts of lonliness. And hey! I'm alone once again, in a very unique way.

I remember sitting on top of some random ass hill in Riverside, drinking wine from a cheap Ikea wine glass, looking at the lights of the city reflected on the top of the liquid in my glass and giggling at the thought that I was "drinking the city" in a thousand sparkling reflections in my cup. I was so lonely and sad and hurting during that part of my life, and desperate for comfort in any random form it may take. Just now I had another moment, except instead of consuming a city, I was sipping at some dining room lights... which, hey! That may not be "my dining room" in a month. I don't know where my home will be.

I am alone again. I feel like I am back to some kind of beginning, except I'm not entirely free to flirt with random guys and go on one time dates in skimpy dresses. Maybe I can channel this hurt-rage into being skinny again. Silver lining, right?

I am going to bed now. Glad I at least have my cats. (Oh God, did I just get even more pathetic...?)

My ability to consistently journal is made of poop.

Jonathan and I had lofty plans of Japanese-inspired awesome today. We were going to eat sushi, then see the "Luminosity in Monochrome" exhibit at the Japanese Art Institute whilst munching on Pocky and Yan Yan. But instead we just cleaned the house and ran around with a scanner at Bed Bath and Beyond and build up our wedding registry. Well, we DID have sushi. So there's that. *still wants Pocky*

So yeah, our registry is done! Sort of. I was amazed at how much junk we already have. At this point, anything we recieve will be upgrades.. muchly needed and desired upgrades, mind you... but I can't help thinking I should register for some greedy items at Target too... I could use a new telephoto lens, or iPad, or Nintendo Wii or XBox 360...

I can't lose weight. I am stuck at 130. My plans of becoming a curvaceous-yet-skinny-beeotch of a sex goddess is still tantalizingly out of reach. oH. In other news, I will NOT be dying my hair blue, due to my upcoming engagement photos I plan on having taken at Disneyland. But I still intend to have my hair cut.

Okay, help me out here... who actually reads my journal posts? This was much more fun when people trolled my world just as much as I troller theirs... Have I fallen out of the blogosphere for too long to be deemed worthy of reading..?

I am such a liar face. It's hard to stay true to my internet persona of awesome, when I don't have time (or make time) to adequately cultivate it. There's something about having a real live boyfriend who requires love and affection and attention and sometimes food, that just makes tapping at a keyboard to talk about my day seem a waste of time.

But then I stumble upon past posts and think, "I am really only truly me when I give my soul a digital inky voice". I was seriously so struck by this this today that I was just standing in the kitchen, staring at the clock on the oven, trying to put into words the concept... I am myself the most when I take the time to gather all those thoughts bumping around in my skull, wrestle with them, and then upon capturing them, force them through my fingers to go streaming behind  that little blinky "I'm ready for your thoughts" line. You know the one.

When I DON'T capture my thoughts, I noticely become dull. And not just outwardly. My internal monologue becomes rusty and stale. My conversation is less sharp and witty. My opinions on matter soften. "The news? What news? What happened last week? Where was I?"

Anyway. I was contemplating my personality and this interesting and apparently mandatory outlet that is the sole requirement to me having any kind of a spark of a personlity, and then Jonathan was like, "Why are you staring at the oven? You okay?" I made up some lame excuse like, "Just thinking about the wedding and everything that needs to be done." Which was actually kind of true. I've found that even in my most profound of thoughts, I'm holding like... five different conversations all in my head at the same time.

Anyhoo, I'm going to bed now. I'm going to continue tapping out onto Twitter, and try to be a bit more consistent with blogging. I want to invest time into some mini opinion columnes too, though at this point I doubt many people would read. *shrugs*

I am going to strive to be more ME. I think that is a belated resolution...

There are simply not enough hours in a day for me to feel sufficiently productive. My major achievements for 2011 is cleaning and organizing my living room, dining room and bathrooms.

My major failures are breaking my diet, and being severely depressed. And bad spelling.

I go back to work tomorrow. I plan on sitting in bed reading with a cup of tea, and then listening to my little beside water fountain, and poking at acupressure points to candlelight.

And tomorrow, good GOD I am going to get my kitchen cleaned.

This is a lame blog post. But I have to post SOMETHING.

I'll do better late in the week. I promise. I think.

Going to bed now.

This morning Jonathan and I went to Fresno to the San Joaquin River Parkway and Conservation Trust Christmas Party. We arrived as things were winding down, bought some fresh rosemary sprigs, a coffee tin of blossoming jade, some Christmas ornaments of a Santa kitty cat and a watering can, then we ate some holiday cookies and went home.

Jonathan, David, Shauna and I went to the Chistmas tree lot at the Armona Firestation and picked up a tree! We decorated it and... well, I can't really blog right now. I'm being distracted a lot. And I have some hair to sew for my Prince Caspian shoot tomorrow. So I'm just going to get into my PJs and get busy. I'll try to Twitter some more. I'm convinced that's the future of personal journals... 160 character snippets of random detail. Sigh.

Okay, so I'm not gonna lie. I'm totally trying to use Twitter as a "stop freaking forgetting what happened during the day" tool so that I can more accurately, promptly and meaningfully type up journal entries. Cuz I wanna get away from random emotional outbursts about nothing in particular and focus more or chronicling my life. Cuz I'm narcissistic and I think that someday my every tiny word will be profoundly meaningful to.. somebody. My great-grandchildren? People magazine? I don't know.

So.. ahem... let me gather my tweets up from yesterday and today and expand and / or summarize as I see fit. Or maybe I'll just repost the tweets, I dunno. I'm just getting a bit of a feel for this mutha...

I just weighed myself. 127. Now I just have to lose more or at least maintain during the holidays... ugh. - This is true. Last year, my New Years resolution was the lose weight. I weighed around 170 to 180.. it fluctuated. My goal weight was 128. I managed to get to 125, and was hoping for 120, but now I'm all whiney and depressed because with the onset of yummy Christmas noms, I'm no longer losing weight. But in my more sane moments I realize that I should be tickled pink for being the weight I am now. I was all gross and huge and all ya'll suck for not forcing laxatives and diet pills on me.

Disney has a wedding blog called Ever After... presumably for those of us too poor to pay the $$$ for an "official" Disney brouhaha. - theknot.com is a better website though.

I feel like I'm the heroine of a Twilight-esque story today... - I totally did. I don't know why! It was all foggy, but the kind of fog that can easily be mistaken for a low mist if your imagination is just right... and I was wearing cute boots, and a cute jacket, and a new shirt, and my hair was all freshly dyed, and so I felt movie-screen dapper. Oh, and I had make-up and lip gloss on. And I had the soundtrack of Twilight stuck in my head. So maybe that's why. Regardless, I totally felt like the common, somewhat-attractive heroine who is only remarkable in that she makes a vampire get all hot over her. And having a hot guy inexplicably fall for me, I totally relate to the chick.

I'm doing much better in my Human Ecology class than I'd anticipated. I'm just confused.. HOW? - I'm never there and I know crap about planet Earth beyond the "ohhh, shiney!" impulses and random obsessions I get over moths or flowers or whatever. How can I be getting all B's and A's in this tree-hugging, global-warming loving environmental BS class?

I feel like ditching art class today but I really shouldn't. These pointless obligations aggravate me. - Umm, I actually did ditch. I'm probably going to be regretting this come finals. I hope someone loans me their notes... *slightly worried*

Why is everyone looking at me today?? - EVERYONE TOTALLY WAS!!! Some freaking truck driver kept turning around in his boat of a vehicle to stare at me.. like the exaggerated staring of a very concerned and / or creepy old man. And then some Mexican guy did the same thing a couple minutes later. I started thinking maybe I was just hot or something, but then some chick did it too. Wtf???

I... have...a headache. - A baaaad one.

Freaking headache totally derailed my entire day... - Yeah, I totally got nothing done I'd intended to. I had pushed my to-do list back to tonight buuuut, that got derailed too. I'm just going with it at this point. I'll catch up on the weekend. *sips some hot chai tea*

I'm at the dentist sneaking texts while waiting in this frikkin ominous torture chair... I wish I had some Starbucks. - That was this morning, and the visit was a pleasant one surprisingly. Minus the mental trauma of being in that legal pain chamber. That, and I have two cavaties and I'm in need of a serious teeth cleaning on the 7th of this month. *shudder*

I want to be strolling down Main Street in Disneyland, wrapped up in warm sweaters and scarves, and sipping on a mocha... - this was tweeting whilst shelving books at work. The monotony of this job is suddenly making me blissfully numb. Not unlike being unable to pull yourself away from a trillion games of computer solitaire.

I'm on my lunch break and entirely undecided on what / where to eat... - I went home and ate some meat and cheese with jalepeno mustard. And I read for my full hour.

I just put eggnog in my coffee... ohhh yeah, I'm frikkin brilliant! - Less brilliant than I realized actually.. once it really warmed up it just kinda tasted sour and like.. well.. warm eggs. There's gotta be some trick to this...

Anyhoo. Sitting on the couch now with muh baby as he works on his leather brigandine. We secured our Voyage of the Dawn Treader and TRON: Legacy tickets at the IMAX 3D theater in Fresno. And we picked up some Christmas goodies and costume essentials at Joanns. Now we're settling in for some reading and costume tinkering. Like I said.. I'll catch up on my to do chores this weekend. Now for some guilt-free relaxation.... ^_^