The Lady of the Jabberwock

2009 - I had no New Years Eve kiss.

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 05:21:07 GMT

I set no resolution for 2009. So, uhh, I guess you can say I fulfilled my resolution of nothing with successfully accomplishing nothing.

Regardless, here is a rundown of my year in 2009.

I spent the New Year shooting a friend's wedding deep in the snowy San Bernardino mountains in Southern California. I had no New Years Eve kiss. I had no boyfriend. I was working for Survivors of the Abortion Holocaust as a Press Coordinator and Activist in Riverside, California.

At the time I was living close enough to Disneyland to go to the Park, sit down in a comfortable chair and just sip coffee and read a book. I was also driving to San Diego frequently to take surfing lessons with my good friend Buckley. On the second Thursday of every month I would get off work early to attend the Art Walk in downtown Los Angeles and drink 35 cent martinis at The Edison, a five star, dress code enforced underground lounge.

Starting the year off, in January I got to experience my very first cross-country road trip from California to Washington DC with my best friend, Lahoci, and other activists with Survivors. I was part of the crowd that attended the historical Inauguration of the very first African-American President of the United States of America. I was also part of only two groups lining the Inaugural Parade route protesting the Inauguration on that historic date.

I also got to join the crowd of thousands and march in the Walk for Life along the Capitol and Supreme Court. When not protesting and participating in street activism around DC, I got to tour the historic landmarks in the area from the Library of Congress to the Lincoln Memorial to the Washington Monument to the Thomas Jefferson Library, and everything else in between.

When I returned from my work in Washington in February, I spent a week vacationing on the beach in La Bufadora, Mexico – bicycling, window shopping and visiting one of the world's largest blow holes along the Mexican coastline. When not drinking margaritas on the beach, I went whale watching and wine tasting in Ensenada.

It was around this time that Cheryl Conrad accused me of lying about attending church, and the insult and outrage of it all caused a snowball effect of past grievances and complaints being brought forward all at once. It exploded into my resigning from the organization that I loved, but could no longer tolerate with the growing internal corruption. So I ended up moving back to my hometown in Hanford, CA with my parents.

While the return to the Central Valley caused a bit of a readjustment and almost culture shock on my behalf, I was able to pursue developing my ProLife Opinion Website, secure a bit of a grassroots fan base, and was able to break some leading stories – most notably the Feldkamp family tragedy and abortion chain link. Through my online outreach I've met many new friends whom I hope and pray I'll have the privilege of knowing for life.

The move back to the valley, while limiting my last minute excursions to Disneyland, and the fast and flashly outings in LA, Hollywood and San Diego – was far from limiting what I view to be a thriving social life.

For instance, I was blessed to visit every single feature art exhibit at the world-class Japanese Art Institute in my very own hometown of Hanford, California. Over 2009, I was also able to visit many other exhibits of historic importance, like the Huntington Library in Pasadena, the Field Museum in Chicago and the Timken Art Museum at Balboa Park in San Diego.

I was able to satiate my cosplay appetite with my newest costumes as Rogue from X-Men, Dana Scully from The X-Files and Snow White from Walt Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

I was still able to attend various political and pro-life events, from TEA Parties on the Fourth of July to local pro-life rallies outside Hanford High School and FOX News broadcasts and conservative gatherings out of Huron. I even got to stand outside of the National Education Association's annual meeting in San Diego, California with a bullhorn in hand and speak out on the evils of an organization designed to profit children then aligning itself with organizations which in turn kill children.

I had many hiking and mountain biking excursions around California from Oakhurst to Shaver Lake to Diamond Valley Lake. I had the pleasure of spending hours on end observing nature, from bird-watching in Kings County to observing Monarch Butterfly migration in Pismo Beach.

I was able to immerse myself into my fantasy world of historic reenactments with weekends at Central California Renaissance Faires in Tulare and enjoying my 24th year at Hanford Faire - maintaining a tradition held since I was born.

I competed in a bowling league with my dad, sis and step-grandpa... and we didn't get last place either! At least I don't think we did. Maybe we did. But it was still fun!

I finally appeased my lifelong desire to indulge in my bonsai fascination by purchasing and pampering a 14 year old Dragon Elm Bonsai that I intend to keep till I die and pass on to my children. I also got to start a new hobby with my poppa, of torturing young juniper trees with my father and making our own baby bonsais.

And even though I'm living farther from my happy place, I still enjoy frequent trips to Disneyland, and am still fully resolved to do so for the remainder of my days.

Towards the end of the summer, I was proud to be a part of the brave crowd confronting Barack Obama at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana. While in Indiana I was able to meet many heroes of the pro-life movement and make some strong connections with pro-lifers in the area. In my down time during this trip I had the pleasure of touring Chicago, Illinois - seeing the sights and sounds of this historic city from the Billy Goat Tavern to 'The Bean' in Millennium Park.

After this outreach, once I was back home, I finally went on a three day backpacking trip along the High Sierra Trail in the Sequoia National Forest. (Something I had hoped to do since my teenage years.) And on this long-awaited trip, while admiring the breathtaking beauty of my favorite nature spot, I got to really know and fall madly in love with Jonathan Freeman, a hottie that I met in Southern California and secretly admired from afar for the better part of a year.

Right after the backpacking trip, Jonathan Freeman must have decided that I must be pretty irresistible too, because he invited me to go on a camping trip through Washington and Oregon with his family. We visited Mount St. Helens, hiked through a cave caused by the underground lava flows, climbed a huge rock over the Columbia River Gorge, and visited Multnomeh Falls.

We also visited Seattle, went on the Underground Tour and visited the Public Market and the Space Needle. I also got to cross off another 'To Do' on my bucket list when we visited the very first Starbucks in Seattle!

After the trip, while digging for fossils in Kettleman Hills, Jonathan kissed me under the stars and I decided he was the one.

Later that month, I got to attend San Diego Comic Con 2009 and cosplay for the first time with my boyfriend Jonathan and together we geeked out meeting tons of stars in the nerdy firmament and attending panels and previews and movie props.

Towards the end of the year I got to see more of the world when me and my travel buddy Shauna visited New South Wales, Australia for two weeks. We got meet tons of people and see lots of sights. I got to see the Three Sisters in the Blue Mountains. I got to hike through the Jenolan Caves and the Royal National Park. I took a ferry ride around Sydney Harbour and the famous Opera House, got to climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge, pet a kangaroo at the Taronga Zoo, stroll along Botany Bay and stargaze at the Sydney Observatory.

Back in the states I was blessed with the opportunity to go back to Washington and Oregon on a pro-life activism tour, visiting pro-life and Christian activists and speaking at XFest Northwest, a Christian camping and concert event. Jonathan and my mother came with me and we spent a week of activism and fellowship with Jonathan's family.

After XFest, Jonathan moved away from Orange County to Hanford, CA to be closer to me. I got to plant, decorate and finish the lovely balcony in my boyfriend's new apartment. We bought a Red Dragon Japanese Maple tree and some beautiful patio furniture, and are well underway to furnishing the rest of the apartment and turning it into a home!

Jonathan and I have been on some romantic and adventurous dates and excursions together, from local outings to driving along the coastal highway in Big Sur and strolling along Hollywood Boulevard in California. We're falling deeper in love and planning for a wonderful New Year.

Now, at the end of the year, I am planning on spending New Years Eve at Jonathan's parents in Washington. I am unemployed for the longest stretch since I was 16 years old, and still living in Hanford, CA. I have a handsome boyfriend and what some would call a blank slate. From my bank account to my employment to my new relationship, I'm starting from scratch and the horizon is exciting and limitless and full of possibility.

2009 has been amazing. And 2010 promises to be even more so. And this year, I DO have resolutions. Many, actually.

1. Go on the South Beach Diet and lose 25 pounds
2. Train for and run the Disneyland Half Marathon
3. Attend full time classes at COS every semester
4. Get a job
5. Volunteer to work camera crew with the local broadcasting networks
6. Go camping in Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming
7. Keep a handwritten journal (not this internet blah blah)
8. Start wearing dresses more often
9. Finish my pro-life book

Happy New Years everybody. Here's to every year being better than the last!

Why I am no longer living with my family.

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 19:13:07 GMT

My younger twenty-one year old sister has a history of calling names whenever she gets angry, embarressed or upset. It is such an issue that literally not a day goes by that someone is not called retard, idiot, stupid, jerk, bitch or any number of foul names by my sister. She also has a history of striking people and throwing things.

This has been allowed and in some cases encouraged for over a decade now. Needless to say, name calling is not something that my mother has ever taken an extreme stand against.

Whenever any dispute, discussion or issue arises between my mother and I, my sister likes to insert herself into the problem and fan the flames of discord. Long after my mother or I will duck out of the conversation, my sister will trail me around the house and try to reignite the fight. This continues even when I have locked the door, given the silent treatment or appealed to my mom to make her stop. (Usually this is when my mother encourages Jessicas behavior.)

I won't go into extreme details, but in the past month my sister has stuck me, called me horridly foul names, pushed me and thrown my personal things... all things that are literally illegal acts of physical abuse from a 21-year-old woman. My mother has not done anything to discipline, correct, confront or condemn this behavior.

I dubbed my sister the 'attack dog', which I think is very fitting. Like a dog who does not understand English and sees it's master upset for any reason, regardless of the issue, she attacks the person who is 'to blame' for mom being upset. For a menopausal woman, my mother is quite frequently upset, often for irrational things. This does not stop Jessica from jumping in and my mom encouraging her. For instance three weeks ago, when the cat broke my coffee mug and mom started crying, Jessica ended up hitting me. My mother very much encouraged and allowed it, ignoring my repeated requests to 'call off the dog' leading up to the illegal physical assault.

My mom loves having Jessica 'protect' her. It is rather unhealthy and upsetting to watch. She claims that Jessica hitting and attacking people is Jessica 'being the only one who cares for her'. In turn, whenever Jessica initiates fights, mom stands by her, right or wrong.

This culminated to it's worst point last week.

I have no money. And the only pairs of jeans that fit me have been disappearing. I cannot afford to replace them. When I found my missing jeans in my sisters possession, ripped up and stained up, completely ruined, I told my mother (who had been all Christmas smiles moments earlier). As soon as the tone of the conversation turned serious, my sister decided to jump into the discussion with name calling and aggression. So I refered to my sister, once again, as the attack dog.

Think about this. While I endure unspeakable amounts of physical and verbal abuse in this 'Christian' household on a regular basis, as a 24 year old Christian woman, when I semi-stoop to the name calling realm and dub Jessica the 'attack dog' - Jessica who has physically, verbally and emotionally attacked me multiple times in the past month alone... my mother reacted by calling me a bitch and said she did not want me in her house anymore. Because apparently no one calls her daughter a dog. (Unless it is the oldest daughter. In that case she can call her daughter a dog, as can her younger daughter.)

In my mothers household Jessica can call me horrible names on a daily basis, strike me in the face after I've had my wisdom teeth removed, inject herself into any private discussion concerning my mom, and trail me around the house harrassing me... and this is okay.

Mom has never kicked Jessica out. She has never cussed at her. She has never grounded her. She has never called her a bitch. NEVER. I'm talking birth to 21-year-old.

Meanwhile, when I gave my life to Christ as a 14 year old, I made a decision with my Savior to stop the cycle of name calling and hitting people and throwing things that permeates the Edmonds family. I daily decide to rise above the hate and filth that is tolerated and at time actively encouraged in the house. I have NEVER called my mother a bitch. I never will and never could.

Yet when I call Jessica an 'attack dog', my mother calls me a bitch and kicks me out of the house. To understand the weight of this, you must realize my mother has not uttered a swear word from my earliest memories as a toddler to our 'early Christmas' as a 24 year old.

My mother has not apologized for calling me a bitch. Every single time I've been struck by my sister, Jessica has never apologized. The mountain of very real sins I have endured remains. I am willing and trying to forgive. Yet my mother and my sister have not apologized. They remain unrepentant.

Many, many, MANY times in the past I have forgiven my family regardless of the lack of apology and tried to resume life as usual, only to have this viscious cycle repeat. As a 24 year old Christian woman, I think it is time I stop brushing everything under the rug and pretending everything is okay. The violence continues, the name calling continues, to attack dog behavior continues because in the absence of true repentance and true apologies NOTHING CHANGES.

Until there is very real reformation in the Edmonds family, I am removing myself from the family unit.

The family is not healthy. Spiritually, emotionally, or physically. The last time I saw my mothers face she was screaming at me, throwing my personal belongings and calling me a bitch.

I will not return as though everything is okay.

The next time I see her face, it will be when she is meeting with me prayerfully and repentantly. If that does not happen, then I do not intend to see her again. The same goes for my sister.

I am not 'holding a grudge'. I am not being unforgiving. I am willing and eager to forgive. I am simply choosing, for my well-being, to not return to my mothers house until it is safe and healthy to do so. When the wrongs have been righted. The ball is in my families court. They know where to find me.

Type type type!

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 17:04:33 GMT

Jonathan and I returned home late from sightseeing in Hollywood, and once we got home we set to work unpacking and mounting the posters and artwork in the frames we bought at Ikea. It proved to be much more work than we'd anticipated, what with resizing the mats, aligning the images with the mats, setting the mounting wire, blah blah blah.

And now, as I sit here and type this, I just noticed that my Brian Froud picture is crooked. Just barely, imperceptibly.. but it's there. And it will bug the HECK out of me. But it's already mounted and screwed shut. Dang dang DANG. Oh well. Maybe I need to get used to the little imperfections that life throws my way.

Or maybe, months from now, my anal side will kick in sufficiently for me to brave the hell of artwork mounting and reset the damn frame. *sigh*

It's a pretty white day outside. I am super excited for the drive to Washington tomorrow! Jonathan and I have a check list of 'To Do' things about ten miles long, so I better leave off blogging and get to work. Merry Christmas internet world! ^_^

Eat too much chocolate!

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 01:44:37 GMT

I am sitting at the kitchen bar, playing on my laptop, watching my boy wash dishes, waiting for the cheeseballs we're making to finish chilling, and listening to Christmas music. Soon we'll be driving over to moms to have an early Christmas Eve with the family. I intend to drink too much egg nog, eat too many chocolate and powdered sugar covered chex and then get so excited over Christmas morning that I come close to throwing it all up. Gee, I love holidays! ^_^

I never realized quite how hot Jonathan looks when he's washing dishes! Wowie. He's in a button up shirt, and his hair is all beach bum, and he's rubbing soap bubbles into a spatula. FREAKING HOT. *swoons*

I am blessed beyond measure.... Happy holidays everyone!! ^_^

We will combine our shopping lists.

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 19:11:05 GMT

The plan today:

I am going to look at everything in the cupboard and see if there lies, unmixed and unpieced, two pear loafs and a sour cream english toffee banana nut crumble cake. If I'm missing any peices, I'm writing them down and then taking them to mom.

Once with mom, we will combine our shopping lists (shopping list powers, activate!) and I will brave the weekend holiday shoppers to attain said missing items.

THEN, Salena is going to meet me and keep me company / help me make the above mentioned baking items for the weekend holiday get together.

Sometime later tonight, when Jonathan is done taking his test with the county, we're going to go have a mini-date at the the Old Firehouse and watch Bryan Vickers Band play.

I think that is the plan, at any rate. I'm going to stop gazing at the birds out my window long enough to get started on that...

Oh, It's the holidays!! *gets giddy*

I think I need...

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 19:41:01 GMT

Last night was riddled with nightmares. Horrid, awful, waking up trying not to sob nightmares. The only thing I glean from it is that I really want a baby. Or a puppy. Or a family that knows how to say sorry and make amends for very real wrongs.

I think I need to do something VERY productive and worthwhile soon.. like activism or getting a kick ass job. That, or I need to do something that distracts me enough to be blissfully unaware of the real world. Like spend days at Disneyland, or bouncing around Hollywood, or camping in the wilderness till I can't stand my own smell.

I think I'm going to set aside some days to work on my book.

DUDE

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 02:09:03 GMT

Today was blissfully rainy. My Dragon Elm Bonsai got to drink plenty of fresh rain water sitting out on the balcony. I took the US 2010 Census Employment Test in Visalia today and only missed two math questions.

My boyfriend and I drank mochas at a Starbucks while daydreaming about knighthood and staring out at the overcast skies. And now I'm currently drinking cranberry juice out of a wine glass and feeling rather dapper in PJs and a sweatshirt. And I'm about to go off and make some Tom Yum Sweet and Sour Soup.

I'm playing hookie from karate tonight so that my stomach can recover 110% from the hell of food poisoning and then tomorrow I'm back to pretending to be a martial artist.

Dude, Great Value dip tastes THA BOMB. I think some Kingdom Hearts is in order after dinner. I wish I could report something amazing in my life at the moment, but so far it's all been friends, food and karate. Which, in and of itself, is something I could die happy having.

Aww. What a sweet post!

I never realized.

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 19:35:52 GMT

Sushi was NOT a good idea between bathroom dry heaves. Because my heaves were no longer dry. They were very much sushi heaves. Oh man. The only thing I can comfortably keep down are fruit smoothies. Between the holes freaking me out in my face and this neverending queasy feeling, I am very much hating how I feel this week.

I never realized till last night just how much I am allergic to my parents house. I woke up at 4am unable to breathe, feeling nauseous and fighting off itchy eyes and asthma. I could spend today napping.. in fact, I would LOVE to do that.. but I am feeling depressed at being so lazy. Darn this all to heck.

I'm just not in the mood for anything today. I want to take another long, scalding hot shower and sprinkle some eucalyptus oil in the tub so I can breathe in the vapory goodness. Sigh. I hope I can at least get the balcony cleaned at some point today.

Japanese people are funny.

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 20:45:02 GMT

I'm feeling like poop sticks today. I'm willing to bet I have a mild case of food poisoning. That, combined with my being horridly out of shape and trying to be a brown belt, and my body feels like it needs a vacation.

I want to fall in love with Fruits Basket all over again. Jonathan had bought me the official complete DVD set for my birthday and I hadn't gotten around to watching the extra features till last night. I am convinced that Japanese people have funny manerisms. And in their quirky little way, they are much more entertaining than English voice actors. Dammit. I really want sushi now. Thinking of Japanese things and stuff... double damn.

My life keeps cycling around. I go through phases. They never truly go away. They just lie dormant for awhile. So my anime / video game / JPop / nerd self is rumbling and about to erupt. Or something. You know, I can't really type coherently at the moment.

I'm SO going to SunGay Sushi now.

Twelve thirty-four o'clock looks like this - 12:34.

Untyped, perhaps.

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 23:59:43 GMT

Damn you, introversion. I wanted to leave my virtual journal virtually dust-free, and now I am thinking my thoughts and deeming them better left unthunk. Or unvoiced, rather. Well, untyped perhaps.

Karate was fun last night. When I fold the gi right over left instead of left over right it doesn't show the coffee stain. (The coffee stain is actually not mine. But everyone thinks it is.) I learned a new technique and brushed up on two old ones. Heavenly Ascent, Menacing Twirl and Taming the Mace. I need to stop curling my elbow wide and figure out the timing. And just generally be more in shape.

Buckley and Josh came over to Jonathans apartment after class. We ate some beef steaks and veggies, drank wine and talked till about 3am. It felt really nice. It was great to smile for hours on end. I am craving some mind numbing video games. And internet that doesn't require gleaning off of Panera Bread in the parking lot.

Well, my thoughts are all of a disjointed, random nature, (example: My fingers smell like onion and raw meat. I wonder how I can balance preparing food for dinner and still smell like a sexy goddess lady? Maybe I should eat the stuffed bell peppers before karate tonight. What time is it? I want to play Amplitude. Why does my sinus headache smell like onions? Oh, it's just my fingers again.).... See? So anyway, I think I'll leave this blog as it is.

Thanksgiving List (of sorts)

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 18:30:14 GMT

It's Thanksgiving. I'm finding myself to be wowed and humbled. In the past few months I've been on a materialistic spree, where I want to build a home and a house and a wardrobe and an entertainment library and you name it.

Now, as I'm concluding my Bible study on Job and waking up to a day where the world is presumably celebrating blessings I'm realizing... my blessings are beyond measure. I mean.. just looking around me...

My family is safe, sound and healthy. As are my friends and pets.

I am busy typing this on my laptop. My pretty pink laptop. I HAVE a laptop. And it's pink. That's great.

I am sitting next to my boyfriend.. who at the moment won't stop talking while I'm typing. But aside from that, I HAVE a boyfriend. A wonderful, handsome, godly, loving, vampire-looking boyfriend. And he's hot. And we have a future that has lots of joy and love and beautiful babies on the horizon.

I am sipping from one of my many personal coffee cups that I've collected around the world. Around the WORLD. I'm 24 and I've done so much traveling. I am drinking coffee with peppermint mocha creamer. I get to do this almost every morning. I'm SO blessed for that.

My purse is pretty. I love it. I have a cell phone and it keeps buzzing with texts from friends, family and loved ones wishing me a lovely day. I AM SO BLESSED.

I'm sorry, world, God, family, for constantly thinking of what I WANT. I am so thrilled beyond measure with what I HAVE. I'll try harder not to let my dreaming sully my contentment. ^_^

Better Still

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 18:22:48 GMT

Every once in awhile, I like to exist in a perpetual "mood". I fling myself in an unrealistically posed saturation-devoid image that is often used to advertise music or clothing and I linger there. Like yesterday. This manifested itself by my sitting limply in a steaming hot shower, watching water slowly cascade down the fogged glass, and drip off my fingers while listening to Death Cab For Cutie.

Every two years I become fashion-sensitive. Two years ago (to the day, actually), I chose to surround myself with some fashion-savvy guys simply because they were fashion-savvy. In images of me during that era of my life, my hair is always fixed, my clothes are nicer and I capture "the mood". The mood that just walked off of a music video of, say, Swing Swing by The All-American Rejects.

I don't know what inspires "The Mood" or why it waxes and wanes. I don't think I lose my hold on it so much as it loses it's hold on me. My wish is that I will retain enough of this acute realization of fashion, music, and still frame minds-eye photography to last me through my seasons of mood-apathy. Like when I am busy saving babies, bashing Obama and trying to train myself to be a good mother and wife.

In the initial gripings of "the mood" I began viewing Jonathan as an ever-increasing real-life manniquin. This resulted in an innocent bout of window-shopping yeilding up a new pair of Dr. Marten's Saratoga shoes for my love.

They look HOT on him. I wish I had all the money in the world to rework our wardrobe. At the moment I would thrive in the creative realm of fabrics and textures. In a very odd way, I long to. It's the grippings of that damn "mood" again, I tell you.

However, even if I could, I would wait on building my wardrobe. I have 27 pounds I'd like to lose before I spend hundreds on something I could picture myself posing in a black and white alley wearing. I do believe this world was meant to freeze in a frame so that even when I am old and fading, I can hold on to those precious seconds forever.

But now they mock me...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:01:16 GMT

Apparently comparing my mind to a 'Lake of the Dead', not unlike the rivers of Hades in the Underworld, where my thoughts are floating corpses, some running deeper in the current, whilst others skim the surface... apparently this makes for some odd looks from the relatives. Hmmmm. Duly noted.

Anyway. I saw New Moon yesterday. Very good movie! Way better than the first. A stitch from my wisdom tooth blah blah fell out during what (I think) was a very touching, moving scene. I can't remember. I was fighting the urge to vomit.

Ya know, the hollow throbbing hole that I felt in my chest while watching Twilight over a year ago is no longer there. When I reach for that hole, I find Jonathan. Love feels frikkin' sweet.

I am my own Bella, bitches.

Anyway, I'm going shopping now. (Kind of.)

In the days of hats.

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 19:20:34 GMT

So I've decided to metaphorically freeze myself in carbonite, kind of like Han Solo in The Empire Strikes Back. I imagine that my body is currently being displayed in Jabbas Palace whilst alien hotties dance around me. Although soon, Oola the Twi'lek will be eaten by the Rancor, Princess Leia (Jonathan, metaphorically speaking) will rescue me, and soon we'll be happily sailing off in a sand skiff to be plopped into the Sarlac, where eventually Luke (metaphorically this would be Christmas) will rescue us and launch us into the New Year. I mean, Endor. And then we'll blow up the Death Star and kick it with the Ewoks. My metaphor ends there, so I'm not really sure what that signifies.

Anygay, I'm feeling better. I can technically eat again, but I have an irrational fear of food getting stuck in the holes in the back of my face, so I've been living off squishy foods. Yeah. It's fantastic.

Forever 21 is hiring for seasonal workers. This seemed great for me because 1) I need a seasonal job to buy Christmas presents and 2) I like Forever 21 and have recently been gripped with a burning desire to make Jonathan my walking mannequin and fashion model. I'm going to perish if I don't see him sauntering towers me in a silver-grey pea coat soon. So Forever 21 better freaking get their act together and call me soon.

Now I'm off to gum away at something of little substance so that I don't die. *insert farewell here*

What would you say?

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 17:48:55 GMT

I shot a wedding in Merced, CA yesterday. I knew the gig was low-budget.. a couple of teens with a kid going through the motions for mom and dad and the extended family... and I knew it was a Mexican family, so I knew things would be... different. But hey, I grew up in Central California, the bread basket of the nation, the target of multitudes of Mexican immigrants flocking to the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave.. but I didn't expect THIS kind of culture shock.

First, while I have been inside many many Catholic churches in my travels (the oldest Catholic church in Mexico, the oldest Catholic church in Australia, etc.), I must confess I have never witnessed a Catholic service. I did so last night. It was all in Spanish. And some people were getting married. I think. I just took pictures of everything that looked interesting or important. (People getting tied up with a fancy white rope, flowers getting tossed in a heap by a statue of the Virgin Mary, etc.)

Then there was the reception. Two words. Mariachi Band. Nuff said. Did anyone ever notice that Mariachi Band guys look uncannily like The Three Amigos? I would have given anything to see them turns their heads to the side, cough and then say, "Let's Ride!"

Anyway, the family of the bride and groom.. well, the ones that could speak English anyway.. were very welcoming and kept shoving food at me and posing for funny / cute pictures. And whenever things got dull in the five hour reception, I'd hide in the foyer of the Mexican-American Lodge and read paragraphs out of Heidi. So while being saturated in the heart of Mexican culture I was trying to digest and picture late-1800 Swedish culture. Yeah. I'm cool like that.

Well, it's Sunday. I'm not going to Ren. Faire in Fresno after all, cuz my tooth wants to kill me. So I'm going to church instead and then Jonathan and I are baking a pumkin roll. Then tomorrow is the big day of tooth extraction. Yay! *shudder* Pray for me?

The desire for recognition often overwhelms judgment.

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:43:35 GMT

I can't sleep. The odd mockery of slumber that tooth pain coupled with Vicodin provides yeilds some interesting results in "dreams". Or maybe they were hallucinations? I'm not entirely sure. Regardless, I am consumed with a burning desire to buy a vacuum, some photo albums and some tangible pictures with which to stun my friends and family whenever they come to visit Jonathans apartment and get around to snooping the contents of the end table. For I have deemed the recently acquired at the Monday Sale end table to be the end table responsible for holding:

1) The table lamp
2) Photo albums
3) A basket of assorted living room odds and ends (books, D & D materials, project knick knacks, etc.)
4) And then, of course, the obligatory soda someone happens to be drinking

This sounds all carefree and wonderful and fantastic, but things like photo albums, photos and baskets for end tables cost money. Money that could be spent on things like vacuums. So you see, it's quite the vicious cycle.

You know, for someone hopped up on Vicodin, I think I'm terrificly coherent. That, or I'll get around to reading this sometime post-excruciating teeth extraction and think, WTF?

I really do want to sleep right now. I wonder why I can't? Maybe visiting YouTube would help...

Bite me, wisdom teeth.

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 21:03:36 GMT

My mouth is hurting like a mutha. A big ol' mutha of pain. I need to get a wisdom tooth removed. Because apparently my tooth o' wisdom ain't so smart. It's like, growing into my freaking cheek. And oh GOD how it hurts. I was having slight gum pain and headaches over the past two weeks, and just yesterday it exploded into a TOOTH that is trying to KILL ME by literally CHEWING into my HEAD. I'm not even kidding.

I went to the dentist today (*shudder*) and the dentist confirmed that my cheek is all swollen and unhappy and wrote me out a prescription for drugs and magical burning mouth wash and sent me home to wait till next Monday when some sadistic A-hole plans to cut into my face to extract my tooth and probably wear it on a necklace or something.

Did I mention I HATE dentists? Since I apparently can't mix alcohol with my pain meds I don't know what the eff I'm going to do this entire WEEK of impending oral mutilation. This freaking sucks.

On a brighter note, Katherine sent me a link to a funny page about the history of coffee. You should check it out HERE: theoatmeal.com/comics/coffee

That's not good.

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:13:28 GMT

I think Dungeons and Dragons sessions are fun, despite my falling asleep on the couch in the middle of some kind of adventure that involved a burning bridge and a magic rope (I think). All I know is that somewhere between mumbling out my desire to conjure an enchanted scorpian monster through my splitting headache and wandering off to steal some of Jonathans sweatpants and crawl into bed, I was put in some kind of nerdy "bubble".

I'm not clear on all the details. All I know is that the game appeared to be great fun complete with salsa and a meaty cheesy dish that goes great with chips.

Now I'm sitting here, all grundgy and tired and sore and thinking I SHOULD be getting ready for church, but instead I'm playing on the FacePlace and updating this journal.

Oh. Hey. Jonathan just showed up. I better get ready now. I also need breakfast. How to dispel this groggy feeling? Ugh.

After some time...

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 16:18:05 GMT

Through the Visalia Meetup.com group I learned about a planetarium in Visalia that does monthly shows / lectures / what-have-you. Jonthan and I met up with the Meetup group and attended one last night, the "Tulare County Night Skies series - The Hero, the Lady and the Stars of Early Winter"

We got brushed up on our Greek mythology, listening to the story of how Perseus killed Medusa and saved Andromeda from the sea monster, with the blessing of Cassiopeia, who later changed her mind and caused all kinds of murder, mayhem, and ruckus. Despite the corny graphics and slides, it was quite entertaining and informative.

After the show in the planetarium we walked over to the telescope observation site near the planetarium and bugged the Tulare Astronomical Association with random questions while looking at some night sky objects.. the Andromeda Galaxy, double star clusters, M-15, Jupiter and it's four moons and some others I'm sure I'm forgetting..

Oh yeah, and I've decided to include pictures in all of my future journal entries. And not just because I like running random Google image searches either. I just find pictures to be much more entertaining in telling a story and talking about random crap.

Anyway, I'm excited at the thought of sitting out on the balcony and searching the night sky with Jonathan. It's kind of fun thinking of the things I'd like to do / see in my future, and know there's someone who will be right next to me, sharing in the fun. ^_^

Speaking of fun, I'm going to attempt jogging with my boy once again today. But this time, we have a plan! hehehe...

Funny News

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:25:12 GMT

I had my first class back at the dojo. I'm doing karate again! Wheee! Had I known tournament training was going on till the 14th I would have waited to take classes on the 15th. But oh well. I'll deal.

I am going to start jogging with Jonathan in the mornings. First run is today. Oh boy! It doesn't actually seem like a chore since nothing is boring while I'm with my Prince Charming!

Naruto is starting to get a bit more entertaining. That is a relief. For some reason, when I picture my life, a good chunck of it I envision being spent in front of the TV watching anime and sci-fi. I can't wait till I have kids, then I can blame them. "Oh these darn ragamuffins, always in front of that there flickerbox!" Haha. I kid. I'm only cool with the profuse watching of the telly cuz I know I'm going to be the annoying mom who makes my kids learn musical instruments, dance and martial arts, and go camping / hiking a lot.

I better get to work. Journaling makes me reflect on my current state. And when I reflect on 'jobless, moneyless and holidays are coming fast' I get depressed. *wonders how I'm going to afford karate next month* I need a job. *sigh* I'm gonna go clean something to cheer up...

Unpacking Jonathan's Things

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:50:36 GMT

The balcony is finished! (I think.) I just need to take pictures for Jonathan's mum now. I think I am a fairly decent decorator / gardener. I am actually craving constructive criticism on that field, so I hope the pics I post generate some interest / feedback.

I would like to visit the Kings Art Gallery sometime today. There is an old lady-esque quilt exhibit going on, but there is something in my local Hanford heart that says I should support the arts in the community.. even if the art is ugly and made by old people who use quilting to fill in the void of relatives that don't visit. Depending on how much they are charging to view the tattered shards of empty life, I may or may not view the exhibit between unpacking Jonathan's things.

I'm going back to karate tonight. I will be a black belt soon. Frickin' cool, huh? Okay, I'm hungry. I'm going on the prowl for some life Cereal.... ^_^

Secret Society

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 16:36:52 GMT

Yesterday was Halloween. While I missed carving pumpkins and going to Hobbs Grove and baking mass amounts of things that will make me fat, we did get to play dress up and have a costume party at the house. I fell asleep with mascara on and now my eyes feel like crap. I am excited that we've begun the November march to the Christmas season. Jonathan and I are heading to Anaheim today to shop at Ikea, watch Fantasmic at Disneyland and then begin the packing for the big move to Hanford. I love my boyfriend so much. His giving up Southern California to be close to me means more than I could ever express. I am so blessed to have the love that I have from such an amazing, handsome, charming man. ^_^

Well, I really have nothing to type on about. If I just wrote out what is in my head it would be pages upon pages of me whining about my sinuses hurting and death to nasals and whatnot. I'm getting a cold and I turn into a miserable ball of pessimism whenever that happens. So I think it's best that I just conclude this little blog entry.

Wish us luck in furniture shopping for Jonathan at Ikea!! In astro-babble having a full moon in Taurrus means you should keep a sharp watch on your money, and all purchases should go towards tangible and practical investments that (and I quote) "make you feel content and secure". My starry fortune cookies always make me smile whenever they lend everyday advice that aligns with my plans. I just ignore them the other 79% of the time when they don't. Hehe! ^_^

Is one enough?

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 16:33:42 GMT

I quit Starbucks yesterday. After my work times were changed without any notice THREE TIMES, and after my rate of pay was changed without noticed THREE TIMES, and after my paycheck was delayed without notice THREE TIMES it just seemed like the third time was the charm. The charm being not working at Starbucks anymore. When I realized that the guys ringing bells outside of supermarkets for The Salvation Army make just as much per hour as the baristas getting shreiked at while sweating over a veritable never-ending conveyor belt of lattes... well, it just seemed like a no-duh situation in throwing in the apron.

I'm really crossing my fingers on the Bartending job I interviewed for at The Palace. Oh man, what an awesome job that would be. *pray for me!*

My boyfriend and I finished gardening up the balcony on White Street. We thoughtfully picked out each plant and even gave names and back stories to each one! Ahem... There is:

Terry, the gay fern from Boston who is currently feeling a little under the weather.

Bouganivoullia the Bouganvilla, the incestuous French aristocrat, along with her four sons Jauque, Louise, Pierre and Gusto.

Krasus, the male concubine Red Dragon Japanese Maple tree.

Then we have Mondo, son of Momey, King of the Mome Raths.

Right next to him is his distant cousin Sir Kalb of the Black Court to the North.

In the corner of the balcony we have some ornamental grass, but his story is unknown.

Each was eager and willing to learn.

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:06:18 GMT

My handsome boyfriend caught a cockatoo in my parents front yard the other day. We were going to list it in the 'Found' section of The Hanford Sentinel, but decided to wait till the owner came to us... partially because we didn't want some con artist to come weaseling after a homeless $1500 bird, and partially because we kind of wanted to keep it.

While buying toilet paper and bird seed we saw the "Lost - grey and pink parrot. REWARD" ad. Jonathan called the number and a very emotional, very grateful middle aged woman was reunited with her baby. Now we have our $100 reward. And lots of parrot poop on my bedroom floor.

I am going to poke and prod and bother Jonathan into using the reward money to buy some wicker patio conversational chairs for the balcony at his apartment. That will be my French Quarter meets City Garden meets Nerds with a Balcony living space I've decided. I could get it set up before the holidays and we can sit out there in the fog, bundled up in sweaters and scarves drinking hot chocolate and eating gingerbread while listening to Christmas music. Oooooo! That sounds so fantastic!!!

Anyway. I'm really getting into this whole dreaming about my patio and garden. Or rather, Jonathans patio and garden that I'm stealing. hehe! I am going to get a refill on the coffee and shower my boy in kisses. Mmmm. Nummy. ^_^

You're cute!

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 20:54:32 GMT

I tried to go to Artworks in downtown Hanford the other day, but they are still closed. "For Remodeling" it says on the door, but the word on the street is that they got shut down by the Food and Drug and Health and Blah Blah City People for letting dogs and cats run all around the place and poop and stuff near the kitchen. I always thought it was weird that they let people just wander into the kitchen area on the way to the bathroom. But they had a bunch of books all nailed to the wall for a toilet paper dispenser, so that was cool.

I thought about going to the Kings Art Center today to view the Pins and Needles Quilt Art exhibit, but they close at 2pm and it's like... that right now. But quilts are gay anyway, so it's ok. The only really "real" art gallery around these parts is the Clark Center for Japanese Art, and the samurai exhibit is going till January of 2010. So I'm kind of SOL on the whole being cultured and crap.

My boyfriend is the handsomest, most wonderfullest, most perfectest man in the whole wide world. Him and my dad. Jonathan has eyes and eyebrows that make me want to make a baby. He is laughing at me right now. He is such a lucky guy to have such a silly, witty, word-making-upper girl like me.

I'm having cramps. Now the online blogging world knows. Send me chocolate. It's my lady-time. I'm going to go read another chapter of The Leighton Homestead and then go watch Naruto with my baby-cakes. Mmmmmm, baby-cakes. That would be really nice with some chocolate right about now.....