I set no resolution for 2009. So, uhh, I guess you can say I fulfilled my resolution of nothing with successfully accomplishing nothing.

Regardless, here is a rundown of my year in 2009.

I spent the New Year shooting a friend's wedding deep in the snowy San Bernardino mountains in Southern California. I had no New Years Eve kiss. I had no boyfriend. I was working for Survivors of the Abortion Holocaust as a Press Coordinator and Activist in Riverside, California.

At the time I was living close enough to Disneyland to go to the Park, sit down in a comfortable chair and just sip coffee and read a book. I was also driving to San Diego frequently to take surfing lessons with my good friend Buckley. On the second Thursday of every month I would get off work early to attend the Art Walk in downtown Los Angeles and drink 35 cent martinis at The Edison, a five star, dress code enforced underground lounge.

Starting the year off, in January I got to experience my very first cross-country road trip from California to Washington DC with my best friend, Lahoci, and other activists with Survivors. I was part of the crowd that attended the historical Inauguration of the very first African-American President of the United States of America. I was also part of only two groups lining the Inaugural Parade route protesting the Inauguration on that historic date.

I also got to join the crowd of thousands and march in the Walk for Life along the Capitol and Supreme Court. When not protesting and participating in street activism around DC, I got to tour the historic landmarks in the area from the Library of Congress to the Lincoln Memorial to the Washington Monument to the Thomas Jefferson Library, and everything else in between.

When I returned from my work in Washington in February, I spent a week vacationing on the beach in La Bufadora, Mexico – bicycling, window shopping and visiting one of the world's largest blow holes along the Mexican coastline. When not drinking margaritas on the beach, I went whale watching and wine tasting in Ensenada.

It was around this time that Cheryl Conrad accused me of lying about attending church, and the insult and outrage of it all caused a snowball effect of past grievances and complaints being brought forward all at once. It exploded into my resigning from the organization that I loved, but could no longer tolerate with the growing internal corruption. So I ended up moving back to my hometown in Hanford, CA with my parents.

While the return to the Central Valley caused a bit of a readjustment and almost culture shock on my behalf, I was able to pursue developing my ProLife Opinion Website, secure a bit of a grassroots fan base, and was able to break some leading stories – most notably the Feldkamp family tragedy and abortion chain link. Through my online outreach I've met many new friends whom I hope and pray I'll have the privilege of knowing for life.

The move back to the valley, while limiting my last minute excursions to Disneyland, and the fast and flashly outings in LA, Hollywood and San Diego – was far from limiting what I view to be a thriving social life.

For instance, I was blessed to visit every single feature art exhibit at the world-class Japanese Art Institute in my very own hometown of Hanford, California. Over 2009, I was also able to visit many other exhibits of historic importance, like the Huntington Library in Pasadena, the Field Museum in Chicago and the Timken Art Museum at Balboa Park in San Diego.

I was able to satiate my cosplay appetite with my newest costumes as Rogue from X-Men, Dana Scully from The X-Files and Snow White from Walt Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

I was still able to attend various political and pro-life events, from TEA Parties on the Fourth of July to local pro-life rallies outside Hanford High School and FOX News broadcasts and conservative gatherings out of Huron. I even got to stand outside of the National Education Association's annual meeting in San Diego, California with a bullhorn in hand and speak out on the evils of an organization designed to profit children then aligning itself with organizations which in turn kill children.

I had many hiking and mountain biking excursions around California from Oakhurst to Shaver Lake to Diamond Valley Lake. I had the pleasure of spending hours on end observing nature, from bird-watching in Kings County to observing Monarch Butterfly migration in Pismo Beach.

I was able to immerse myself into my fantasy world of historic reenactments with weekends at Central California Renaissance Faires in Tulare and enjoying my 24th year at Hanford Faire - maintaining a tradition held since I was born.

I competed in a bowling league with my dad, sis and step-grandpa... and we didn't get last place either! At least I don't think we did. Maybe we did. But it was still fun!

I finally appeased my lifelong desire to indulge in my bonsai fascination by purchasing and pampering a 14 year old Dragon Elm Bonsai that I intend to keep till I die and pass on to my children. I also got to start a new hobby with my poppa, of torturing young juniper trees with my father and making our own baby bonsais.

And even though I'm living farther from my happy place, I still enjoy frequent trips to Disneyland, and am still fully resolved to do so for the remainder of my days.

Towards the end of the summer, I was proud to be a part of the brave crowd confronting Barack Obama at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana. While in Indiana I was able to meet many heroes of the pro-life movement and make some strong connections with pro-lifers in the area. In my down time during this trip I had the pleasure of touring Chicago, Illinois - seeing the sights and sounds of this historic city from the Billy Goat Tavern to 'The Bean' in Millennium Park.

After this outreach, once I was back home, I finally went on a three day backpacking trip along the High Sierra Trail in the Sequoia National Forest. (Something I had hoped to do since my teenage years.) And on this long-awaited trip, while admiring the breathtaking beauty of my favorite nature spot, I got to really know and fall madly in love with Jonathan Freeman, a hottie that I met in Southern California and secretly admired from afar for the better part of a year.

Right after the backpacking trip, Jonathan Freeman must have decided that I must be pretty irresistible too, because he invited me to go on a camping trip through Washington and Oregon with his family. We visited Mount St. Helens, hiked through a cave caused by the underground lava flows, climbed a huge rock over the Columbia River Gorge, and visited Multnomeh Falls.

We also visited Seattle, went on the Underground Tour and visited the Public Market and the Space Needle. I also got to cross off another 'To Do' on my bucket list when we visited the very first Starbucks in Seattle!

After the trip, while digging for fossils in Kettleman Hills, Jonathan kissed me under the stars and I decided he was the one.

Later that month, I got to attend San Diego Comic Con 2009 and cosplay for the first time with my boyfriend Jonathan and together we geeked out meeting tons of stars in the nerdy firmament and attending panels and previews and movie props.

Towards the end of the year I got to see more of the world when me and my travel buddy Shauna visited New South Wales, Australia for two weeks. We got meet tons of people and see lots of sights. I got to see the Three Sisters in the Blue Mountains. I got to hike through the Jenolan Caves and the Royal National Park. I took a ferry ride around Sydney Harbour and the famous Opera House, got to climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge, pet a kangaroo at the Taronga Zoo, stroll along Botany Bay and stargaze at the Sydney Observatory.

Back in the states I was blessed with the opportunity to go back to Washington and Oregon on a pro-life activism tour, visiting pro-life and Christian activists and speaking at XFest Northwest, a Christian camping and concert event. Jonathan and my mother came with me and we spent a week of activism and fellowship with Jonathan's family.

After XFest, Jonathan moved away from Orange County to Hanford, CA to be closer to me. I got to plant, decorate and finish the lovely balcony in my boyfriend's new apartment. We bought a Red Dragon Japanese Maple tree and some beautiful patio furniture, and are well underway to furnishing the rest of the apartment and turning it into a home!

Jonathan and I have been on some romantic and adventurous dates and excursions together, from local outings to driving along the coastal highway in Big Sur and strolling along Hollywood Boulevard in California. We're falling deeper in love and planning for a wonderful New Year.

Now, at the end of the year, I am planning on spending New Years Eve at Jonathan's parents in Washington. I am unemployed for the longest stretch since I was 16 years old, and still living in Hanford, CA. I have a handsome boyfriend and what some would call a blank slate. From my bank account to my employment to my new relationship, I'm starting from scratch and the horizon is exciting and limitless and full of possibility.

2009 has been amazing. And 2010 promises to be even more so. And this year, I DO have resolutions. Many, actually.

1. Go on the South Beach Diet and lose 25 pounds
2. Train for and run the Disneyland Half Marathon
3. Attend full time classes at COS every semester
4. Get a job
5. Volunteer to work camera crew with the local broadcasting networks
6. Go camping in Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming
7. Keep a handwritten journal (not this internet blah blah)
8. Start wearing dresses more often
9. Finish my pro-life book

Happy New Years everybody. Here's to every year being better than the last!

My younger twenty-one year old sister has a history of calling names whenever she gets angry, embarressed or upset. It is such an issue that literally not a day goes by that someone is not called retard, idiot, stupid, jerk, bitch or any number of foul names by my sister. She also has a history of striking people and throwing things.

This has been allowed and in some cases encouraged for over a decade now. Needless to say, name calling is not something that my mother has ever taken an extreme stand against.

Whenever any dispute, discussion or issue arises between my mother and I, my sister likes to insert herself into the problem and fan the flames of discord. Long after my mother or I will duck out of the conversation, my sister will trail me around the house and try to reignite the fight. This continues even when I have locked the door, given the silent treatment or appealed to my mom to make her stop. (Usually this is when my mother encourages Jessicas behavior.)

I won't go into extreme details, but in the past month my sister has stuck me, called me horridly foul names, pushed me and thrown my personal things... all things that are literally illegal acts of physical abuse from a 21-year-old woman. My mother has not done anything to discipline, correct, confront or condemn this behavior.

I dubbed my sister the 'attack dog', which I think is very fitting. Like a dog who does not understand English and sees it's master upset for any reason, regardless of the issue, she attacks the person who is 'to blame' for mom being upset. For a menopausal woman, my mother is quite frequently upset, often for irrational things. This does not stop Jessica from jumping in and my mom encouraging her. For instance three weeks ago, when the cat broke my coffee mug and mom started crying, Jessica ended up hitting me. My mother very much encouraged and allowed it, ignoring my repeated requests to 'call off the dog' leading up to the illegal physical assault.

My mom loves having Jessica 'protect' her. It is rather unhealthy and upsetting to watch. She claims that Jessica hitting and attacking people is Jessica 'being the only one who cares for her'. In turn, whenever Jessica initiates fights, mom stands by her, right or wrong.

This culminated to it's worst point last week.

I have no money. And the only pairs of jeans that fit me have been disappearing. I cannot afford to replace them. When I found my missing jeans in my sisters possession, ripped up and stained up, completely ruined, I told my mother (who had been all Christmas smiles moments earlier). As soon as the tone of the conversation turned serious, my sister decided to jump into the discussion with name calling and aggression. So I refered to my sister, once again, as the attack dog.

Think about this. While I endure unspeakable amounts of physical and verbal abuse in this 'Christian' household on a regular basis, as a 24 year old Christian woman, when I semi-stoop to the name calling realm and dub Jessica the 'attack dog' - Jessica who has physically, verbally and emotionally attacked me multiple times in the past month alone... my mother reacted by calling me a bitch and said she did not want me in her house anymore. Because apparently no one calls her daughter a dog. (Unless it is the oldest daughter. In that case she can call her daughter a dog, as can her younger daughter.)

In my mothers household Jessica can call me horrible names on a daily basis, strike me in the face after I've had my wisdom teeth removed, inject herself into any private discussion concerning my mom, and trail me around the house harrassing me... and this is okay.

Mom has never kicked Jessica out. She has never cussed at her. She has never grounded her. She has never called her a bitch. NEVER. I'm talking birth to 21-year-old.

Meanwhile, when I gave my life to Christ as a 14 year old, I made a decision with my Savior to stop the cycle of name calling and hitting people and throwing things that permeates the Edmonds family. I daily decide to rise above the hate and filth that is tolerated and at time actively encouraged in the house. I have NEVER called my mother a bitch. I never will and never could.

Yet when I call Jessica an 'attack dog', my mother calls me a bitch and kicks me out of the house. To understand the weight of this, you must realize my mother has not uttered a swear word from my earliest memories as a toddler to our 'early Christmas' as a 24 year old.

My mother has not apologized for calling me a bitch. Every single time I've been struck by my sister, Jessica has never apologized. The mountain of very real sins I have endured remains. I am willing and trying to forgive. Yet my mother and my sister have not apologized. They remain unrepentant.

Many, many, MANY times in the past I have forgiven my family regardless of the lack of apology and tried to resume life as usual, only to have this viscious cycle repeat. As a 24 year old Christian woman, I think it is time I stop brushing everything under the rug and pretending everything is okay. The violence continues, the name calling continues, to attack dog behavior continues because in the absence of true repentance and true apologies NOTHING CHANGES.

Until there is very real reformation in the Edmonds family, I am removing myself from the family unit.

The family is not healthy. Spiritually, emotionally, or physically. The last time I saw my mothers face she was screaming at me, throwing my personal belongings and calling me a bitch.

I will not return as though everything is okay.

The next time I see her face, it will be when she is meeting with me prayerfully and repentantly. If that does not happen, then I do not intend to see her again. The same goes for my sister.

I am not 'holding a grudge'. I am not being unforgiving. I am willing and eager to forgive. I am simply choosing, for my well-being, to not return to my mothers house until it is safe and healthy to do so. When the wrongs have been righted. The ball is in my families court. They know where to find me.

Jonathan and I returned home late from sightseeing in Hollywood, and once we got home we set to work unpacking and mounting the posters and artwork in the frames we bought at Ikea. It proved to be much more work than we'd anticipated, what with resizing the mats, aligning the images with the mats, setting the mounting wire, blah blah blah.

And now, as I sit here and type this, I just noticed that my Brian Froud picture is crooked. Just barely, imperceptibly.. but it's there. And it will bug the HECK out of me. But it's already mounted and screwed shut. Dang dang DANG. Oh well. Maybe I need to get used to the little imperfections that life throws my way.

Or maybe, months from now, my anal side will kick in sufficiently for me to brave the hell of artwork mounting and reset the damn frame. *sigh*

It's a pretty white day outside. I am super excited for the drive to Washington tomorrow! Jonathan and I have a check list of 'To Do' things about ten miles long, so I better leave off blogging and get to work. Merry Christmas internet world! ^_^